Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
