If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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