we have officially lost it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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