where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
