Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
