I hate all girls vehemently.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
