I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
