i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
