Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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