Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
