bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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