That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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