i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
