Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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