I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
