Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
