I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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