im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
