Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
