It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
