i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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