am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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