just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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