I wish I could teleport
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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