i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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