I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
