At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
