I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
