I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
