i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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