Fuck appropriateness.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
