tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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