Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
