I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
