Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
