turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
as a side note pls kill me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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