so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
