Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
