My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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