You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
