ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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