There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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