a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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