I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
time to smoke my breakfast
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
