There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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