The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
