Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
