I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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