I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
