They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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