Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
