Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
