he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
