I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
