Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
