he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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