They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
