During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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