We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
