This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
