i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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