We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love you.
Bad choice
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