i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
