Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
