You're so nebulous sometimes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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