I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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